Lifer,
I don’t understand you. Not all of you, but many of you. All around me I watch as people who grew up in the church live their life like there is no God. They pay lip service to the Lord on Sunday, and ignore him otherwise unless they need something. I don’t understand you.
I’m not judging you, I’m really not, but I am confused by you. You see, I don’t know what it’s like to “grow up in the church.” I don’t know what it’s like to wake up every day with this mindset that I’m going to heaven, only to bathe in the things of this world – of society. I look at some of you and I think, how?
There are so many things that I could ask how about, but let me tell you the one that is really on my heart tonight. Christian men, how do you not lead, love, and protect your families? How do you spend your whole life in a church, claim to be full of the Holy Spirit, yet live your life like your family isn’t important? How do you go on each day and not tremble at the very idea that one of your children could wind up in hell? How do you post pictures of your daughters on the Internet wearing almost nothing, allowing them to be objects of some unknown strangers sick obsession? How do you continue to not teach them that they are so much more valuable than exposing themselves in that way would indicate?
You see God didn’t save me until 2006. As I write this, that is only 7 years ago. In the last 7 years God has opened my eyes to so many realities, and grown me in so many ways that I couldn’t begin to list them all. But one of the things I realized fast is that I have a responsibility to God for the woman, and children he has placed in my care. To instruct them – bring them up in the way they should go. To protect them from the world, from themselves. To guide their hearts and minds and their purity.
I don’t understand how you soak yourself into society to such a level that you don’t pay better attention to how your daughters dress, or your wife might be hurting. I don’t understand how you leave your wife, and your children for the gal across town. How do you grow up in the church, call yourself a follower of Christ, a child of God, read passage after passage about dying to yourself, and then walk away from your family, or fail to protect them based on a selfish desire of self satisfaction through another? I just can’t understand it.
You wake up each day, and you send your children to be taught by people who hate God, and will not even speak the name of his son for fear of being reprimanded for it (public schools). You leave it up to Sunday school to teach them the things of the faith when God’s word is supposed to be what you teach them. You’re supposed to be a living, breathing example of Jesus Christ to your children, and wife. You’re supposed to lay down your life for your wife. Do everything you can to purify her, helping her grow in holiness by the washing of the word. But knowing all of this, you worry more about a second house, a new computer, a nice boat, and popularity than you do about your wife.
If someone says something to you, you hide behind your freedom in Christ, or you call people judgmental. I don’t understand you. I want to understand you, but I don’t. Each day, it gets harder and harder for me because I see how much responsibility there is, and how important it is. My fear is that my children would not come to know the Lord and so I want to teach them everything I’m learning. My goal is that the members of my household are not those just barely escaping the flames but rather they stand before the Holy God and hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
You see I’m not perfect, but I’m pained. I’m pained by my failure. Not because it’s not forgiven, I know it is. I know full well that when I die I will be welcomed by God because of the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. But that expense, that love, that sacrifice, it just doesn’t seem like something that can be taken halfheartedly. I don’t see it as something that I can “not have time for.” I don’t understand the lack of urgency for the others around you that might not know the truth. How do you be so passive about even five minutes in hell, let alone an eternity?
Seven years ago I was ready to walk away from my marriage. That’s not surprising to me today as I realize just exactly how selfish we are as human beings. I wanted to be happy and I thought I deserved to be happy. I understand that mindset from a lost person. But you, lifer, you confuse me. Tonight I laid down next to my sleeping wife, the same one I was going to leave seven years ago, and I found myself watching her breath and thanking God for each breath as they came and went. I was so grateful that she stuck with me all the years I was living for myself. I prayed the Lord would bless her, and keep her safe, and if he could find it within his will, that he would leave us here together to watch our children, and grandchildren grow while allowing us a chance to serve, and glorify him… at least for a little while. I don’t know your life at home. Do you pray for your wife? Because some of you, the way you treat them, I would find it hard to believe.
You see I don’t understand how you spend your whole life in a church, read the Bible, sit through teaching after teaching, supposedly be filled with the Holy Spirit, and let any one thing get such a hold on your life that you forget just how blessed those gifts from God are. I’m so confused by you and the way you live for today. Comfort. Most of us in this country are so fat from food, and we just seek more and more comfort. Just consumed with earning so we can spend it on us. We want what feels good, what makes us comfortable.
I find myself, more yesterday than the day before, and more today than yesterday, just wanting to glorify the father in Heaven. Is this happening to you? Should it be happening to me? It seems right when I look at scripture, but when I look at many of you I’m so confused. My focus is learning more about Him, and what He wants for my life. I almost always feel driven to share with others who might not know the truth, or might be deceived into thinking they are saved when they are not. I’m almost consumed with a concern for the lost. Are you? Should I be? Does this in some way speak as though I am not understanding something in scripture?
I just don’t understand why so many of you seem to be consumed by the things of this world. Life is a vapor, and so many of you live it like it’s going to go on forever. The lost, I get that, but you the life long church member. The life long “Christian.” It’s you, and your passion for the world that I am confused by. As I said, I’m not judging you. I pray for many of you. Not that you might be like me, because I’m broken, and horrible too. But that you might also see how the pursuit of this world, and letting it’s many pleasures consume your time and other resources is so worthless.
You’re supposed to be an example for the new in the faith, yet when I watch some of you, I actually feel pain. An anguish created by the deception in your life. It’s impossible to look at many professing Christians and not be confused and concerned. I can’t help but wonder, if your wife was a new car, would you treat her better? If your daughter was new puppy, would you better protect her? If your son was truly a defenseless lamb, would you send it out into a pack of wild animals before you had a full suit of armor on it?
Please don’t be angry, but rather stop and think about this. Some of you are very confusing. Examine your life. Does what you spend your time doing, your money on, and the way you behave in private glorify the father? Is the way you live your life a testimony to the loving sacrifice of Him? Are you growing in holiness? And if not, why not? Do you look at your life and use freedom in Christ and grace as tools to justify the things you partake in? Do you care how your actions reflect God when you call yourself a Christian? Is God really the most important thing in your life? Does he consume your thoughts, and time? Is your spouse next on that list?
I’m not talking about performance, but a desire for performance. Do you actually want to be more holy, more pleasing to God? Or are you content to live the way you want to without giving the commands of Jesus Christ a second thought? I’m just confused by a lot of you.
Cody's Pub 